HEY GUYS,DO U LIKE MARKETING?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..."


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising..."


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing..."


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..."


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition..."


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

HAPPY RAKSHA BANDHAN...........

16th August, coming Saturday, is an auspicious day that stands as a festival dedicated to brothers and sisters who share the special bond of love and protection. Raksha Bandhan usually known as Rakhi means a bond of protection. It is a day marked for all those brothers and sisters who fight a lot but yet can’t live without fighting with each other; and in that fight somewhere is a special tie of unconditional love and respect.

Fighting is a part of a brother-sister relationship. Ask your brother what he loves to do the most and his reply will be “pulling my sister’s hair” (My Brother sometimes irritates me and my sister by pulling our hairs)!! Who are those two people running around the house chasing each other? The answer is bro-sis. They fight a lot not because they hate each other, but because they are inseparable.

I have a brother with whom I’ve fought a lot when I was a little kid (even now I fight with him), how about you all? How often do you guys fight with your siblings and who wins at last? On what topics do you fight Huh?

And, how about this Raksha Bandhan? Any gifts you’ve thought so far?Make sure you make your Raksha Bandhan special with loads of loving coming our way too! Let that Rakhi not just be a simple thread but let it be a thread full of affection, blessing and of course, love.

"WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY RAKSHA BANDHAN"

NICE LEAVE APPLICATIONS

See, how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But it’s Too Funny. Just Read It.

The Leave Applications;)

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

.................................................................................................................................................................

This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

....................................................................................................................................................................

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

...............................................................................................................................................................

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

..............................................................................................................................................................

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

............................................................................................................................................................

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

..........................................................................................................................................................

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

..........................................................................................................................................................

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

..............................................................................................................................................................

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

..............................................................................................................................................................

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

...........................................................................................................................................................

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

.................................................................................................................................................................

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

...........................................................................................................................................................

A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

WHAT A MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
............ ......... ......... .........
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... ......... .........
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
............ ......... ......... .........
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
............ ......... ......... .........
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
............ ......... ......... .........
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
............ ......... ......... .........
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
............ ......... ......... .........
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
............ ......... ......... .........
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two
women.
............ ......... ......... .........
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
............ ......... ......... .........
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
............ ......... ......... .........
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
............ ......... ......... .........
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
............ ......... ......... .........
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
............ ......... ......... .........
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
............ ......... ......... .........
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
............ ......... ......... .........
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
............ ......... ......... .........
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
............ ......... ......... .........
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you knowSo.. why learn.

LOVE vs INFATUATION

Young people are often confused and unable to discern the frustrating flush of the magical experience of falling in love.

Infatuation is the initial, instant attraction and intense desire for a person of the opposite sex.

Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root, develops and grows one day at a time. The process is slow.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating you. Sometimes you check perhaps even discreetly.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels the same also and this makes both even more trustworthy.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions or some unclear actions about your beloved that you would not like to examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles of distance do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company, for the underlying fear that it will end in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You are confident that you must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation is usually temporary and eventually fades. It, however, might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.

Love is an upper. It makes you look up. Love usually lasts longer and goes deeper than strong sexual Feelings. It makes you think up and makes you a better person.

Infatuation makes you feel anxious, nervous and jealous. You feel convinced that you can't live without the other person. You are unable to see the person for who they really are because he/she is perfect in your eyes.

Love makes you feel excited. You are willing to respect the other person's opinions and accept the good or bad qualities. You share similar values and beliefs and you see the person for who they really are.

Infatuation says, We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!

Love says, Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence. There are rewards in waiting.

Nice one.... Try reading, keep on laughing!!

These are some dialogs said by teachers and professors who are not so good at ENGLISH..

our class teacher once said :" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
once our hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america..".. ..lol...
************ ********* ********* ********* ****"
DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. tried to switch the fan on but there was sum problem. and then she said" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
teacher in a furious mood...write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****"
half of u go to the right, half of u go to the left n the remaining come behind me"......
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
My manager started like this"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****"
I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
************ ********* ********* ********* ****"
will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
our chemistry HOD comes and tells us..."My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************ ********* ********* ********* ****"
why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
our lab assistant said this when my frnd wrote wrong code.."i understand.. u understand.computer how understand??
************ ********* ********* ********* ****